163. 10 Ways To Make Your Husband Feel Loved And Special

Welcome to the "Ultimate Intimacy Podcast" where we help couples find "Ultimate Intimacy" in their relationship. 

Join Nick and Amy, as they discuss the various ways you can express your love and gratitude for your husband, and make him feel special. Drawing from a combination of personal experiences, expert insights, and real-life stories, each tip presented in this episode is designed to foster a stronger emotional connection with your spouse.

Whether you're a newlywed seeking to establish a strong connection or a long-term couple looking to reignite the spark, the "Ultimate Intimacy Podcast" offers practical guidance and inspiration for cultivating a loving and fulfilling marriage. 

In this episode, they share ten powerful ways to make your husband feel loved and appreciated, and witness the profound impact they can have on your relationship.

If you haven't already, go check out the Ultimate Intimacy App in the app stores, or at ultimateintimacy.com to find "Ultimate Intimacy" in your marriage. It's FREE to download and so much fun!

WANT AMAZING PRODUCTS TO SPICE THINGS UP? YES PLEASE... CLICK HERE
Enter promo code UIAPP for 10% off your purchase (and free shipping in the US)

The Ultimate Intimacy Sexual Intimacy Marriage Course can be found HERE

Follow us on Instagram @ultimateintimacyapp for app updates, polls, giveaways, daily marriage quotes and more.

If you have any feedback, comments or topics you would like to hear on future episodes, reach out to us at amy@ultimateintimacy.com and let us know! We greatly appreciate your feedback and please leave us a review.

Transcript

Amy: 0:00

You are listening to the Ultimate Intimacy Podcast, where we discuss how to find ultimate intimacy in your relationship. We believe that, no matter how many years you've been married, you can achieve passion, romance, happiness and ultimate intimacy at any stage of your life. Join us as we talk to not only marriage experts, but couples just like yourself and people who are just flat out fun. The Ultimate Intimacy Podcast is for couples who have a good relationship but want to make it even better. Welcome to the Ultimate Intimacy Podcast. Yes, I got her to do it. 

Nick: 0:47

That's huge, that was huge babe With Amy and Nick. 

Amy: 0:53

Oh, keep talking, I love her, keep talking, I'm excited to start this, because today is all about the husbands. Their wants their needs. How to be a Okay. The actual topic is 10 ways to make your wife. Why your husband? 

Nick: 1:16

You're husband. 

Amy: 1:17

I'm talking about the husbands today. 

Nick: 1:18

10 ways to make your husband. 

Amy: 1:20

10 ways to make your husband 10 ways to make your husband feel loved and appreciated. 

Nick: 1:27

Yeah, yeah, we did the other one on the wife a couple a couple of months ago. Well, yeah. 

Amy: 1:36

Well, you wrote it down wrong. 

Nick: 1:38

That was a great job opening babe. This is why I don't open. I can't even make the topic right. That was perfect. You did amazing. 

Amy: 1:47

I told Nick not to make me do it. 

Nick: 1:50

Amy would have been an amazing actor, oh gosh. 

Amy: 1:53

That is the one thing I would not do. 

Nick: 1:55

Well, you got your line down, perfect. 

Amy: 1:57

I can't memorize anything on the life of me, number one. 

Nick: 2:00

So what is this podcast again? 

Amy: 2:02

10 ways to show your husband love and appreciation 10 ways to show Okay. Is that right? Did I get it right? 

Nick: 2:10

Not quite 10 ways to make your husband feel loved and special. 

Amy: 2:15

Special. You don't want to feel special, you want to feel appreciated. 

Nick: 2:18

You want to make your husband feel. 

Amy: 2:19

See, I had it right. 

Nick: 2:20

All right, perfect, all right. You want to leave this off? 

Amy: 2:24

Okay, so if you missedwas it an episode ago. Couple episodes ago. Couple episodes, again Couple episodes again, we did all the things that a wife needs to feel loved. So today's about the husbands, and I was looking over the list that we put together and they're pretty similar. 

Nick: 2:42

Well, some of them are pretty similar. 

Amy: 2:44

Some of them are pretty similar. 

Nick: 2:46

But I think we'll have a different spin on things. For sure, and we did do a podcast I forget which one, but not too long ago that talked about how our men and women are really that different. And what did we conclude? 

Amy: 2:58

We're not that different. Yeah, we're not that different we just feel loved in different ways, but we all want to feel loved, we all want to feel respected, we all want to feel trust, we all want to feel appreciated yeah, and we all want to feel number one, desired. 

Nick: 3:15

I totally agree, totally agree, right, yeah, absolutely. So we're going to jump in to number one, and we'll see how I react to these. 

Amy: 3:23

Okay, okay, number one babe. Men like to feel or show an affection. 

Nick: 3:34

Will I say that again. 

Amy: 3:36

Husbands like to be shown affection, right, so express your affection to your husband. Very important or not so important, yeah. 

Nick: 3:43

I think that's pretty important yeah. Pretty important Express yeah, Express your affection. What does that mean exactly? Let's get into more details and then I can tell you if that's. 

Amy: 3:53

Okay, so that could be showing your husband physical affection through hugging and kissing, touching. Small acts of touch make you feel appreciated. 

Nick: 4:05

Yes, yes and yes, I would yeah. 

Amy: 4:08

So why don't you tell all the women how men like to be touched? We're not talking about sexual touch right now. We're talking about just physical touch outside of the bedroom. 

Nick: 4:17

Most of the husbands out there are probably physical touch right. That doesn't all just mean like sexually Like a man. 

Amy: 4:24

We're not talking about sex right now. 

Nick: 4:25

Yeah, If you came up to me and kissed me and gave me a big hug, like that would mean a lot to me, like that would be like, oh, that's awesome, you know, and even that simple thing would make me feel loved and appreciated and just like it's all good. 

Amy: 4:49

And I suck at that. 

Nick: 4:51

I didn't say that. 

Amy: 4:52

Yeah, you don't have to say it. 

Nick: 4:55

No, I'm not a physical touch person. 

Amy: 4:57

I don't need that, so I am not very good at it. No, but I'm not very good at it. 

Nick: 5:02

And there's probably a lot of women out there that are saying, yeah, I'm not really good at that and my husband, you know, is always the one doing that, but I'm not really good at that. If you did that for your husband, that would mean a lot. Expressing your affection would mean a lot to him. 

Amy: 5:16

Yep, okay. Number two is giving compliments, and I think that that was on the women's list. But do husbands love that too? 

Nick: 5:28

Yeah, I mean, I think, like if you were to say man, you look freaking fine today, sweetie, or you know I appreciate all you're doing or, yeah, I think, any compliments. I think it's normal as human beings, it's normal to want to feel appreciated or get compliments. And when you give someone compliments, that lets Like. If you give me compliments, that lets me know that, oh, she really does appreciate this or she means it. Because I think we both, as husbands and wives, just assume that our spouse should know how we feel. And I think you know it's always good to express things. So yeah, I think that's important. 

Amy: 6:15

And that goes along with words of affirmation love language right. 

Nick: 6:18

Yeah, I think men would love to receive compliments, yeah. 

Amy: 6:22

So, whether it's looks or how well they do their job, or help you out or just it boosts self-esteem? 

Nick: 6:33

For sure. 

Amy: 6:34

And we're a lot alike in that area. I think husbands and wives both want to feel praised once in a while, right? Okay number three is showing interest in your husband's interests and hobbies. Now, this doesn't mean you have to participate them, but I mean that would be nice. Yeah, I think just showing interest in his passions and stuff could just shows that you want to be part of his world and ask him questions and ask how he's doing with things. You're part of it, you're exactly right. 

Nick: 7:06

Showing interest doesn't mean that you want to go along and do everything that I'm doing, yeah. Or showing interest would be like if I, let's say, I went golfing right and I came back and you're like, hey, how was your golf day, how'd you play today? Tell me about, tell me about you know how you played and what was fun, and just taking interest or at least acknowledging that, hey, I know you were doing this, how did it go? Or it could be like, let's say, I go play a pickleball match and I walk in and there's nothing for me. You're just like hey, nothing, I don't know. I don't know. Good, careless Versus if you said hey, how'd your match? Go. Did you end up winning? Tell me about your match and who you played and like, oh, like she really cares or has interest in what I'm doing and things like that. So yeah, I think just taking interest again doesn't mean that you're totally involved or anything or that you have to go do things. It's just acknowledging that. I guess these just wait, yeah, and I guess the easiest way to explain it in marriage is in marriage in general. If something's important to your spouse, it should be important to you because it's important to them. 

Amy: 8:17

For sure, and there's balance in all things. But also with this showing interest in his interests, that can also mean wanting to do some things with his interest, even if you're not super excited about that, because sometimes, like, there's some days that Nick's like let's go on a hike and anyone that knows us knows his hikes aren't really hikes. Then we're like canyoneering. 

Nick: 8:40

Oh, it's like a short walk. 

Amy: 8:44

If he says let's go on a hike. I know it's pretty intense, but I've gone on a few of them to be a good wife because I know it makes him happy Right. 

Nick: 8:53

Yeah. 

Amy: 8:54

And sometimes we need to do stuff that we don't necessarily love to be able to spend time together, and vice versa. 

Nick: 9:02

But it means a lot and this goes I know we're talking about men, but vice versa, if you express interest in your spouse's interests. That means a lot to him. 

Amy: 9:12

Absolutely Both ways. These all go both ways, though. Number four is being a good listener to him. We always talk about your wife needs to talk. Your wife needs you to listen to her. This also goes the other way, and this makes the man's list. He actually does need to be able to communicate, and for you to listen and pay attention and put your phone down, because a lot of the messages we get from husbands is my wife will not stop scrolling her phone for anything. 

Nick: 9:43

Yeah, yeah, for sure. No, and I think that's really true. I mean, there's been a couple of times I've like tried to talk to Amy and she's been on her phone, and maybe partly my fault for trying to talk to her when she's on her phone or doing something. A lot of times it's business, but there's been times when I've been like hey, yeah, and then nothing. And then she says yeah, what? And I've done that too, We've all done that. 

Amy: 10:10

Oh, we've all done that. We all do that. 

Nick: 10:12

But yeah, I think, just setting your phone down and saying hey yeah, I'm here. I want to hear how things are going, or just yeah, being a good listener, I think, is really good. 

Amy: 10:22

I'm just going to add a tip in for both spouses right now. That bugs me more than anything. My daughter gets mad at me all the time and she's like are you even listening to me? I'm like I was literally texting when you walked in the room and started talking to me. I'm in the middle of something, and then you get the right to get mad at me, so maybe we need to be a little more patient as well. Not just patient, but wait till they're done texting and say hey, can I talk to you, instead of just talking to him and then getting upset that they're already texting or on their phone, because sometimes it's not always their fault. 

Nick: 10:52

Yeah. 

Amy: 10:52

Yes, right, yeah, so phones, yeah, just be careful Like. I'm just going to add that into this one. Being a good listener does mean putting your phone down and you need to tell your spouse, husband or wife hey, I want to talk to you. Can you put your phone down? That's not rude. Can you put your phone down for a minute so we can have some eye to eye conversation? That's what being a good listener is. 

Nick: 11:14

For sure Very important. I like it. 

Amy: 11:17

So spending quality time together, which is really important. 

Nick: 11:22

Yeah, if you have a good marriage or you're trying to have a good marriage, this is a big one. Like you have to spend quality time together. I honestly know there's a lot of couples that almost seem like they're doing everything they can to fill every waking moment so they don't have to spend time together. They have different hobbies and interests and, just like like to me, those are the couples that are not going to have a good marriage. I mean, how can you have a good marriage when you literally don't want to spend time together? So to me, that's one of the qualities that if you want to have a good marriage or you have a good marriage, you're spending quality time together. And that quality time can be through conversations or going on a walk together or just connecting for a few minutes, and I don't think it's a matter of that's always how much quality time, but just having making time for that quality time Some days is more than others. Some days you might only get 10 or 15 minutes of that quality time. In other days it might be, you know, a lot more. 

Amy: 12:25

There's literally no excuse for it, though, Like we get a lot of spouses complaining like well, we both work full time and then we have the kids at night and our weekends. 

Nick: 12:33

And. 

Amy: 12:34

I don't understand. 

Nick: 12:36

And quality time is not just time Like if you're, if you're sitting on the couch and you're both looking at your phones and not talking. That is not quality time. No quality time means you're talking, you're having fun, you're laughing, you're getting to know each other, you're sharing feelings, you're connecting physically or emotionally, Like that is a time that's bringing you closer together. It's not just a spending time together. 

Amy: 13:02

And everybody has time. There's 24 hours in the day. Get an hour less of sleep. Put the kids bed a little bit earlier. Spend one hour less on your social media per week, I don't care what it is. You've got time, you're just not prioritizing it, right. 

Nick: 13:18

The hints quality time quality time. 

Amy: 13:21

Number six is surprise him Ooh. 

Nick: 13:26

I like this. 

Amy: 13:27

I'm sure you do Surprise. What do husbands want to be surprised with? I know what you're gonna say, but I'm just gonna hear, if you see it. 

Nick: 13:38

Now I gotta think of something. No, if, like, if you surprised me when I came home and said, hey baby, let's, let's make my passion love. 

Amy: 13:47

That would be. Oh no, nobody knew listening. You were gonna say that one. 

Nick: 13:52

That's why I said it Just because I felt like it can help a lot of couples out there. No, in all honesty, like this is a big one. So, amy, I've shared this before but maybe some of you haven't heard. I'll keep it short. Amy surprised me with a trip to Las Vegas, which is only an hour and a half from where we live. But she said hey, we're pack our bags, my mom's watching the kids for a couple days, we're going to go to Las Vegas. I can honestly say that was the funnest two days I have ever had with my wife. Like you know, we're just in Las Vegas, not far from home. 

Amy: 14:25

We didn't leave the hotel much. 

Nick: 14:27

Yeah, I mean, but we like seriously like we made love a ton, we talked, we just hung out together, went to several movies, we ate, like we just literally just had a blast being together. And I still remember like how amazing that couple, those couple days, were. And it wasn't that we, you know, we didn't go to any place. Exotic Like it wasn't, wasn't how much money we spent or the fan any fancy restaurants we ate at or anything like we actually just, like Amy said, like Amy said, we hit movies and just lounged around. But I think it was because it was a surprise. I was completely unexpected and yeah, so I think surprises are a big thing. I know for me those have been the most memorable things for me. So yeah, so if you want to surprise me later. 

Amy: 15:25

Yeah, we're not talking about trip surprises. Okay, so I was thinking more like no, I'm saying any surprise surprising him with his favorite meal. 

Nick: 15:34

Surprising that's what I'm saying. Is any surprise, even just like surprising me with anything you? 

Amy: 15:40

know a Nick's favorite surprise and which will lead us in. Well, we're gonna wait, save that one lingerie just climbing the bed naked. 

Nick: 15:49

Yeah, like that. 

Amy: 15:50

Surprise initiation. 

Nick: 15:52

Yeah, if you want to make my month like surprise. 

Amy: 15:56

Yeah, surprise, okay, we're going to get back to that one in a minute. 

Nick: 16:01

That just that just shows how easy and I bet most men will like that. That just shows how easy we as men are to please we're really, we're really not difficult. 

Amy: 16:11

So if you really don't know what your husband would like to be surprised with, I challenge you to sit down and for you to sit down and make a list on date night this week of 10 things, or let's say, 12 things that you would love to be surprised with this week. So you pick your, your 12, he picks his 12. And I mean, make them, make a simple. They can be simple and then try to do one a month, just out of just one a month, and just totally surprise them. And yeah, okay, yeah, you got to. He already saw the list, or help make it, but you can change it a little bit. It's still gonna be surprised, it's still gonna be surprised because they don't know when they're going to get it. You know it's something they love and after seeing a list of 12 things you're going to be like, I know exactly what I can do to surprise you. That might even be different than a list, now that I see what you want. 

Nick: 17:03

Yeah, that's a great idea. Yeah, love it. 

Amy: 17:06

The next one is to be his cheerleader. Rah, rah, you go, good job. 

Nick: 17:14

Is that what that means, or? So give me an N. 

Amy: 17:18

Nick give me an I yeah, cheerleader, as in supporting his goals and dreams. Cheerleading is all about encouraging, motivating. I've never been a cheerleader, but oh, you got it. 

Nick: 17:32

I can cheer you on. 

Amy: 17:34

I can cheer you on. Yeah, I think that's extremely important. 

Nick: 17:38

To have support and, yeah, to have your wife be your greatest cheerleader. I think just even that alone to knowing that is a huge thing. 

Amy: 17:49

So, absolutely. So celebrate his achievements, provide a safe space for him to share his goals, his aspirations, his concerns. I mean this can go just not good job, but I'm here for you. It's okay that that didn't work out, it's okay that that failed. That's a cheerleader too. I mean, if you think of sports like they cheer, good and bad, right, they're always cheering for the team, regardless of they made a bad shot or a good shot. So in life, cheer for all of it. You're your team. 

Nick: 18:23

Yeah, I united right. 

Amy: 18:26

The next one is showing gratitude, and I know we've talked about this a lot, so we'll keep this one short. But showing gratitude, it's huge. 

Nick: 18:39

It is. We're getting to the really really really important ones. 

Amy: 18:42

now, really important ones. 

Nick: 18:44

Yeah, I would say that even just something as simple as like hey, sweetie, do you know how much I appreciate all you do for me and the family, like that alone is like just a game changer for a husband, just showing appreciation, showing gratitude. And you know, it could be for work, it could be like hey, you know, thank you so much for you know, taking the kids, or Thanks for being a good dad. Yeah, thanks for being a good husband. 

Amy: 19:08

Thanks for being faithful. 

Nick: 19:10

Yep exactly. 

Amy: 19:11

Thanks for being. You know what I mean. 

Nick: 19:12

And it could be just being grateful for, maybe, the everyday things you even take granite for. Like you said, thanks for being faithful. Well, I never would have thought of anything different, but my husband would never not be faithful but, I, still appreciate the fact that I never have to worry about that. 

Amy: 19:28

I trust him 120%. 

Nick: 19:30

And it still means a lot to hear that right Like, even though I know there's not ever going to be an issue with that, it's still nice to hear. Hey, I really appreciate. You know this or this. 

Amy: 19:41

Yeah, it gives you that boost and appreciation. You're like I well, I wouldn't have even thought about that, but you're welcome. Yeah, yeah, so I think that's really important and that could be even just the small things like thank you for mowing the front yard, thank you for changing the oil in my car, or thank you for the long hug you just gave me. 

Nick: 19:59

And I think appreciation covers a lot of other aspects as well Like, if you're not maybe as good in other aspects, appreciation can cover a lot of things. 

Amy: 20:11

For sure. So when we took all of our polls on social media about what husbands wants and what husbands needs, are a lot of these things showed up on the list. But there's three things that always come up at the very top of the list, and those things are appreciation, respect and sexual intimacy. Always, those are always at the very, very top, and some husbands say they would rather feel respected than anything else. So we're jumping into the next one, which is respect and trust. And this one is rough for me because I deal with so many husbands that message in or wives that message in, and I hear a lot of stories and I'm like, oh, that would be really hard to respect being in that situation. So, although respect I do 100% believe is earned it's just an earned thing I think that they need to be respected for being, for trying the hardest. 

Nick: 21:18

Yeah, because our husbands are not perfect. Nobody is perfect. 

Amy: 21:22

Their wives are not perfect, but when they literally watch them trying, they're very hardest. 

Nick: 21:30

And we all sin, we all make mistakes, and I think that's a great point. Like if just working together and trying your hardest, like you're going to fail, you're going to have things that go miserably wrong in life, you're going to have your downs, you're going to have all those things, but you know, this one's tricky for me because it's like you have to respect your spouse, your respect is also earned. 

Amy: 21:54

So we get into this deeper in our a couple episodes ago when we talked about respect right. 

Nick: 21:59

Yeah, I would do. 

Amy: 22:00

Is respect earned? It absolutely is. But if you have a loving, respectful and faithful husband, he deserves respect and he wants to be shown that. So yeah, I like that and the very last one. Can you guess what it is? 

Nick: 22:20

I just said it, let's see, Let me think what it be what a husband needs. 

Amy: 22:26

Actually, it's not all husbands, but most of them. Most of them, yeah. 

Nick: 22:30

Sexual intimacy. Yeah, that's true Sexual intimacy. 

Amy: 22:34

It's amazing how many actual messages we've gotten in the last few months saying my husband's the one with the low libido. So there are husbands out there that this is not the top of their list. 

Nick: 22:41

But For most men For the other 99.9. That's true, just kidding, that's true, whatever it is. 

Amy: 22:49

Sexual intimacy is very important to a husband. Why is that? 

Nick: 22:55

Why don't you share? Why, sweetheart? 

Amy: 22:57

Okay, well, I'm not a husband, but from all the husbands I've talked to, and from being married to one for 21 years, it is physical and it is emotional, Half and half right. 

Nick: 23:13

Yeah. 

Amy: 23:14

It's a way you feel connected, it's the way you feel appreciated, it's the way you feel loved, and there might be a little physical aspect to that too. 

Nick: 23:24

Right, yeah, for sure, no, that's. 

Amy: 23:26

You're built differently than us and we have to recognize that Bottom line. 

Nick: 23:29

That is how most men feel loved. Again, we go back to the love languages. We've talked about that a million times is if a husband's love language is physical and such, that is how he's going to feel loved. It's just whether you like it or not, whether you agree with it or not, that's the way God wired us and for most men that's the way we are. That's the way we feel loved. That's why it's so important. That is why people that have good marriages are having a lot of sexual intimacy. That is why one of the number one reasons for divorce is lack of sexual intimacy. I mean, a lot of women out there can just brush it off and think, oh, you just want sex and not realize the importance of it. But bottom line is not always important. It is extremely important. But what I want to say is it's not. That's why it's so important. It's not about the physical act. If it was about the physical act, a guy could just go take care of himself and never need his wife, Right, and that doesn't happen because a guy, a husband, needs the connection. He needs everything else and wants the connection with his wife. It's not the physical act, it's so much more. The physical act is such a small piece of that. It's all a lot of the emotional stuff that comes through. That physical, you know, is what a husband is. 

Amy: 25:03

I've been pulled so many. I'm not just saying husbands, but good, respectful, loving husbands, like good men, good, good men that are our followers, like loyal, good men, and it's always about that emotional connection with their wife that makes the physical connection. 

Nick: 25:23

Through physical intimacy, so good. 

Amy: 25:27

Yep. And so as many wives as we hear say they just want sex, they just want to get off. Whatever the wording you want to use, it's not about that, and I think that's why we figured out in our marriage is that I know that. I know that's why, how he wants to feel loved, he actually needs that emotional connection as much or more than I need it. 

Nick: 25:48

Yeah, for sure. 

Amy: 25:49

Right, mm-hmm, I would say so. I would say so. 

Nick: 25:52

Yeah, I would say. Well, at least I don't know how it is in other people's relationships, but in our relationship I would say I'm probably a little more of the needy one. 

Amy: 26:02

For sure. 

Nick: 26:02

Yeah. 

Amy: 26:03

For sure. 

Nick: 26:04

So which is okay? 

Amy: 26:05

Which is fine. We have a balance. We've had it figured out. But he also gives me, makes me feel like super loved in our relationship. So I realized that his needs are very important to me. 

Nick: 26:17

So don't downplay the importance of the sexual connection. And I go back to this and I know I know sometimes we repeat things that we say in other episodes, but I think this is worth repeating of the real quickly, the two experiences that we have had, where we have heard of women that have gotten testosterone boosters or balanced their hormones out because of low libido, and both of them have gone to being the high desire spouse, and both of them have told us that I had no idea, this is how my husband really felt, and they almost feel bad because now they experience what a high desire spouse goes through, to where they need it, and if they aren't getting it they're going crazy. And they, both of them, just said we had no idea. This is really a need that our husband had, and now look at it totally different. So just because you don't and I think this is important to point out is we as men and women are completely different, and just because you don't know how your husband feels, don't brush it off as to assuming how he feels or things like that, because you don't know how he feels, just as we, as husbands, don't know how women feel. All we know is what we know, but try to understand and listen to him about how he feels and why he feels the way he does, and also husbands with their wives as well. Find that balance. 

Amy: 27:53

And I hope I say this right. I have to be very careful with my wording, I hope. I say this right, we've just got done with an episode on husbands and a couple podcast episodes. We got done on all the needs of a wife. We both have similar things and there are both are some things that are a little bit different. When it comes to marriage, if you want to help you one, both of your needs are equally important. When a wife says I'm too tired or I don't feel like it or I'm just not in the mood, or or comes up with some of those excuses and this can go low desire, high desire I know that this can be switched, but just typically, what I'm trying to say is a husband, so we have different. We might have more emotional needs or financial needs or whatever it is right. We have different roles, usually in the marriage, but husbands don't wake up and just say you know, I'm too tired to go to work and support the family yeah, I'm too drained. No, I just I just don't feel like it tonight or today. I just I don't want to go work. Yeah, I just don't feel like being good. You know what I mean. 

Nick: 29:05

Like I'm not in the mood, I'm just not in the mood. 

Amy: 29:07

I just don't want to. Okay, let's talk about emotional intimacy. Yeah, I just don't feel like talking to you for a few days. Yeah, I just I don't. I don't want to have a conversation with you. I don't want to talk to you, but wait, like my emotional needs are important, my entire point is your needs and his needs are both important. And sometimes it's really hard to understand if a woman, if a woman, needs like emotional connection and communication and that kind of thing, and a husband just doesn't understand that because that's not natural for him. But vice versa, it's not natural for us to have a high libido or whatever. We just have a hard time understanding each other. It's a real big problem in marriages. So, just wrapping both of these episodes up, I don't understand why Nick has a high drive. I don't have that. I don't understand that. I'm like that would be amazing, but we're built differently. 

Nick: 30:01

And I have different. 

Amy: 30:03

I have different needs in our marriage and he tries to do really good job of fulfilling those needs. So I feel like, whether I'm tired or not in the mood, I'm willing to give him 30 to 45 minutes a week, a few nights a week, to be intimate, because it's important to him and because he tries his hardest for me. That's what marriage is about. 

Nick: 30:22

Well, and I don't know what it's like to be a low-desire spouse, right Like I only know what I know. I don't know what it's like to be a low-desire spouse, and so I have to be try to be understanding of where she's coming from as well, and that's why you have to kinda figure out and, you know, meet somewhere in the middle and find that balance that works for both of you. 

Amy: 30:42

So and a lot of you are probably listening and you're like well, what are your needs, amy? You don't like physical touch. You'll be intimate for him. Well, intimacy is for us and I get that. It just doesn't come naturally for me. So, and we both support financially, we both run our businesses together and work full-time together, and so our household responsibilities are also pretty much split. So, yeah, you're like, okay, well, what if you're given his needs all the time? Well, I can tell you that after a lot of conversation, it means a lot to me when he goes grocery shopping for me, I hate grocery shopping. It means a lot to me when he goes folds batches of laundry and I'm like, yeah, it's not chore play or chore duty, it's just that there's things that I don't like doing in our marriage and he doesn't want to do them either, but he doesn't because he loves me. So talking about those needs, like I really love this, I really hate this. Let's talk about it and find a balance together where we can really help each other. 

Nick: 31:34

Well, like we were talking the other night, it's not that Amy doesn't enjoy sexual intimacy, it's getting there, like once we get in. That I guess once we start the foreplay and things like that, she always enjoys it. At least I think so Absolutely. It's just her desire is never there until I get her in the mood. 

Amy: 31:56

I am not a spontaneous right. Everyone knows that. And that's a lot of marriages. Most women are like that. 

Nick: 32:03

So she always gets in the mood. It just takes time to get her in the mood. 

Amy: 32:06

And if you listened to our podcast just recently with Dr Wyatt Fisher, we talked about it all starting in the mindset. I have to be in a place where I'm like I'm okay to get in the mood Because it's all about positive mindset. Positive my spouse's needs are as important as mine. What are mine, what are yours? Let's discuss these. We'll find a good, healthy balance. 

Nick: 32:33

Yeah, and I'm glad you brought that up because it really, regardless of whether you're a husband or wife or anything, your perspective on things can really dictate how you enjoy things or don't enjoy things. So if you're a spouse that's just always saying, oh, I hate sex, I don't wanna have sex, of course you're not gonna enjoy it. So, like Amy said, trying to change your mindset instead of saying I don't wanna have sex or I don't enjoy sex, maybe it's. I know how important this is for our relationship and my husband and I'm gonna do everything I can to figure out how to enjoy that. 

Amy: 33:10

He wants you to enjoy it, so you have to figure out how to enjoy it. 

Nick: 33:14

And I think just and then talk to him about it. So hopefully I'm not giving too much info, but for Amy and I, like we've talked about it and said okay, what can we do to make things more enjoyable for you or what have you? And we've figured out what those are right. So have those discussions and try to figure out what you can do to make things more enjoyable and things like that. So Absolutely. 

Amy: 33:43

Hopefully these lists help. Hopefully you can have some really good discussions together about if those can be applied in your marriage and make things even better, right yeah? 

Nick: 33:55

and Father's Day is coming up. So if you want a great Father's Day gift you've heard me talk about what I ask for every Christmas and they usually last me through Father's Day as well, because Amy lets me use them multiple times but the coupon book If you want to get, if you want to surprise your husband with something like we talked about in this podcast and get your husband something amazing for Father's Day, check out the Ultimate Intimacy coupon book. It'll be a great gift. It's free shipping. 

Amy: 34:27

Shopultimateintimacycom, and there's other stuff too. 

Nick: 34:31

Yeah, so go check it out and until next time we hope all of you find ultimate intimacy in your relationship.