The Ultimate Intimacy Podcast
Nick and Amy are the creators and owners of the Ultimate Intimacy App and brand. They dive into all the tough topics regarding sexual and emotional intimacy, and discuss the things that most couples deal with regularly in marriage, that are seldom talked about on other podcasts. They are raw, unscripted, personal, and Nick will most likely say things he will regret ;)
They have been married over 22 years and have 4 kids, 3 dogs, and share their own life experiences and trials that have helped them transform their own relationship. They are on a mission to help couples not just survive in marriage, but thrive in marriage.
Their podcast is focused on helping you find "Ultimate Intimacy" in your relationship both in and out of the bedroom. Also, for a great resource to help transform your relationship, check out the Ultimate Intimacy App at ultimateintimacy.com
The Ultimate Intimacy Podcast
285. Morning And Evening Routines For Better Intimacy And Connection
In this episode, we explore how establishing thoughtful morning and evening routines can significantly enhance intimacy and connection in your relationship. The way you start and end your day together sets the tone for your relationship and can create a deeper bond between the two of you.
This episode can be one of these transformative podcasts that can bring significant change to your relationship by doing some of these things in your relationship.
If you haven't already, go check out the Ultimate Intimacy App in the app stores, or at ultimateintimacy.com to find "Ultimate Intimacy" in your marriage. It's FREE to download and so much fun! Find out why over 700,000 couples have downloaded the app and give it such high ratings and reviews!
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You are listening to the Ultimate Intimacy Podcast, where we discuss how to find ultimate intimacy in your relationship. We believe that, no matter how many years you've been married, you can achieve passion, romance, happiness and ultimate intimacy at any stage of your life. Join us as we talk to not only marriage experts, but couples just like yourself and people who are just flat out fun. The Ultimate Intimacy Podcast is for couples who have a good relationship but want to make it even better.
Speaker 2:It's the Ultimate Intimacy podcast with nick and amy and today's episode is morning and evening routines for better intimacy and connection. And if I were to rate us on how we do these, what would I rate us?
Speaker 3:I would say that we are awesome at the night routines.
Speaker 2:We suck at the morning and we are not very good at the morning routines. We are less awesome at the morning ones.
Speaker 3:Yeah, but that's okay. So we got some work to do. We got work to do in our marriage.
Speaker 2:A lot of times when we do these podcasts, we're like, oh, these are things we need to do better as well, right, and we do. And we typically take our own advice, except for I'm not a morning person, so we'll see about those. We will see. We will see.
Speaker 3:I don't know what the list is for morning, so Nick has come up with this list, so I could just make up my own and we need to make love every morning for better.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's going to be a fail. So no, the good thing Amy hasn't seen this, so I can create my own list, put in there whatever I want and yeah, yeah you sure can. All right, so we jump in.
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Speaker 2:ShopUltimateIntimacycom. I got a little too excited. Shopultimateintimacycom. All right, let's dive in to the morning routines.
Speaker 3:Um, all right, I'll tell you if we have a pass or a fail at this moment, yeah, and I guess.
Speaker 2:I guess I can't really make these up since they're on my computer screen looking at you.
Speaker 2:So anyways, I'm not gonna look so every morning, spend a few minutes just connecting, and this can look differently to every couple. It can be just kind of cuddling um, talking for a few minutes, holding each other. Uh, a lot of couples and we did a podcast on this but a lot of couples say how amazing it is to have sexual intimacy in the morning, and that's something I'm going to try to get Amy to try because they, like your, your mind's ready to go, you're refreshed, you're not tired Like the end of the day and I. There's just something about making love in the morning. So, anyways, just doing something in the morning to connect doesn't have to be sexually. It can be sexually whatever that is, but I think that's important.
Speaker 3:I think that's the connection in the morning, I think, instead of it's just more simple than that. Instead of alarm go off or kids are jumping on you, however, you wake up, instead of jumping out of bed and just kind of both going and doing your own thing and just separating and be like start your day, see you tonight, kind of thing. It's more connecting Like should we pray together? Should we cuddle together? Should we kiss? Well? It's more connecting Like should we pray together? Should we cuddle together? Should we kiss? Well, if you don't want to kiss, like you can at least like spoonie, like embrace.
Speaker 3:Do you know what I mean? Yeah, there's lots of ways to be intimate other than being intimate, so Does that make sense yeah, yeah no see in your marriage and starting your day out like that is probably a huge jump start. There's mornings that we cuddle or like, on weekends a little bit better, and we get it sometimes it's hard to do with kids and things like that.
Speaker 2:Like we, get it so but anyways, these are just things that if you are able to do they can really help your marriage. I know for us we you know cuddling in the morning when we do it, it's awesome and I.
Speaker 3:I think we sent a post out one day that said Do you reach for your phone Before you reach for your spouse?
Speaker 2:And we're guilty of that. We're totally guilty of that, but usually it's because one of us will wake up earlier.
Speaker 3:We don't want to wake up the other ones. We sit on our phone for a few minutes.
Speaker 2:And we've got an excuse because we usually wake up to a million messages. So well, maybe that's not. And we've got an excuse because we usually wake up to a million messages.
Speaker 3:So well, maybe everybody does.
Speaker 2:That's not an excuse though Anyways, horrible excuse. Don't take that advice. I should have said it. Number two having breakfast or just something together to kind of prepare for the day where you can share time talking. We're horrible at this.
Speaker 3:That's because you don't eat breakfast.
Speaker 2:That's because I don't yeah, I don't eat breakfast. The kids are up. It's tough to do, but if you're you know, if you're a couple, that the kids are maybe older or a lot younger and you can do that, you can have breakfast together. I think that's a really good thing to do.
Speaker 3:We don't take this advice because it doesn't work. Our because it doesn't work. Our kids are up like super super early.
Speaker 2:Kids are up hours before us Hours before us Because they run at five in the morning.
Speaker 3:They're on the school running teams but we're not that awesome to get up and run with them. But I've heard a lot of couples say that if they even just get up 20 or 30 minutes before their kids, it makes a massive difference in the day. A lot of moms have said if I can just get up, take a quick shower, get a couple things done before my kids get up, like it changes the whole day. And if you can do that as a couple and just beat the kids up, beat the beat the kids awake that did not sound good.
Speaker 2:Beat the kids up. Yeah, hold on.
Speaker 3:Beat the kids awake so that you have a minute to connect and kind of get yourself going. It really can make a difference. But I'm not a morning person, I I don't take my own.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we, we must admit we are not morning people. We usually stay up later and watch a movie together or whatever we're going to talk about night connecting too.
Speaker 3:So you, the cool thing is is you can pick whether you're morning people or evening people and whatever works for your marriage right as long as you're connecting, it doesn't matter when we are definitely night people for sure, um, go on morning walks or exercise in the morning.
Speaker 2:I know a lot of couples do this. I think that's very important as well. Yep, we kind of do ours at night, as we've talked about in previous podcasts, where we go on a walk every night. We did one last night for about a half hour and we love doing that. So, um, again, that's, that's something that can shift to the evening if it's a lot easier as well.
Speaker 2:The fourth one is, you know, say some positive things, or practice gratitude or be grateful for each other, just positive things to each other before you start your day. Just express to each other how much you love each other, how much you appreciate each other. I think that's we don't do that enough. We assume that our spouse just knows hey, they know we, you know we love them. So I don't need to say anything, and I think that goes back to an episode we did a little while ago where we talk about, you know, saying the three phrases I love you, thank you and and I'm sorry, I think incorporating those into your everyday routine. Hopefully you don't have to say I'm sorry, but uh, you're at least saying I love you and I appreciate you.
Speaker 3:Those two things go a long way it's a great way to start your day. Compliment your spouse before they leave the house. Be like you. Look awesome today. I'm bad at this. Nick's good at this. I have a lot to work on.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and then the final one for morning routines is planning the day out together. Now that doesn't mean you send a Google meet and you get dressed and you have a big hour long meeting in the office. Just talk about your day, kind of know what's going on, what the kids have going on, what the schedule is, just so you can make the day a little less chaotic especially after the, if you're in our stage life where it's likely so-and-so has this, so-and-so has this at this time, we got to be here at this time.
Speaker 3:So-and-so has a game at this time, like those. Those hours after school are kind of crazy. Like hey, can you, can you grab dinner tonight? It's gonna be a busy night and that's something. Those kind of things like it's important to talk about, right like your whole day will go smoother if everyone's on the same page, and I would say, this is something we do every morning pretty much, but it's more of like, hey, what do we have?
Speaker 2:what do we have today? What are the kids? I planned I'll take care of dinner tonight or whatever, just so we don't have any like misunderstandings or assumptions.
Speaker 3:And I mean that's going to look different to everyone.
Speaker 2:For sure.
Speaker 3:But I think a great way to kind of fix this issue if you don't have time, like if your spouse gets up earlier and is gone before you're even awake planning at night is awesome, but I think the weekly marriage meeting or just having a calendar in your house to be organized where the kids stuff your schedules, everything's written down, where everybody can see it, can be huge.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yep, totally agree, all right. Where everybody can see, it can can be huge. Yeah, yep, totally agree, all right. All right, let's jump into the evening routines. Uh, number one I think this is so important is having dinner together. Like I think you know, 20, 30 years ago, it was totally normal for families have to have dinner together every night. I don't see a lot of a lot of families having dinner together like it's an everyone's just everything's chaotic. We're just grabbing stuff half the time we're grabbing a pizza on the way or fast food or whatever we're I.
Speaker 3:We try to do family dinner we try but I mean, it doesn't always work. I think trying is what's important.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:And not just trying out family dinner, but to make it family dinner Like that means not having your phone at the table, like even if it's a couple times a week that you're really trying to have like a family dinner, make sure it's like quality, right. Make sure you're sitting down, you're really talking to each other, really discussing everyone, everyone's lives, and not being distracted on phones. Like I literally don't think phones should be allowed at tables. Well, I think you're exactly right.
Speaker 2:I think the reason why family dinners are so important is because at family dinners you're going to have those good conversations that you're not going to have anywhere else. So I think, jumping back to what you said earlier, I think between the morning and evening routines, I feel like the evening routines can be even more important oftentimes than the morning routines, and that's so. You know, whatever you're focusing on, evening walks and relaxation time together We've talked about that all the time we do our walks. It's so vital to spend that time together just connecting, uninterrupted, and you know like we have some of our best conversations. I feel like when we're out on a walk together.
Speaker 3:When we're out on a walk or those who have little kids that don't feel like they can leave their house, like even just taking a hot bath together or a hot shower together. It doesn't have to be like intimate, like sexual intimate. It can be just emotional intimate, you know, just like wherever you feel like you can just unwind and like just really have some deep conversations. It's great.
Speaker 2:Yeah, for sure so important, which leads us right into the next one, which is unplug and talk, I mean it's kind of the same thing yeah, like that's why we do it. Go, jump in the shower and talk or go on a walk, because I'm like we literally have to, we, we have to get away. I think nowadays like people literally have to get away from their phones because their phone is so involved in every aspect of their life.
Speaker 3:I'm not gonna lie like we're, like I. I don't want to say I'm like a phone addict, but if my phone's right there and it goes off, I check it so if we go on a walk and I don't bring my phone, or if we get in the shower or some. If we take.
Speaker 3:You don't take your phone in the shower, oh he's joking like if I take myself away from that environment where my phone is right there, we have way better conversations, like I can totally, I totally realize that well, because how often do we start having a conversation and a message comes in, whether on your phone, my phone, whatever we get interrupted? And it's not even like I'm gonna go reply to that mission, that message, or go respond or answer that call, but you still check it and it interrupts oh it absolutely interrupts yeah, these things are always interrupting everything, so I love that it talks about unplugging.
Speaker 2:Um, sometimes we, sometimes we just have to get away from our devices.
Speaker 3:I like the phrase better. Rather than unplugging, is disconnect to connect?
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Like, you literally have to disconnect from other things to really connect to your spouse. I think that's super, super important if you want a great marriage.
Speaker 2:If you want a great marriage. Bedtime routines what are some bedtime routines you can kind of think of? I mean, I think you know.
Speaker 1:I know we've talked about this.
Speaker 2:People think it could be praying together, reading together, doing certain things like that. But what are some other bedroom routines that you can kind of think of?
Speaker 3:I feel like just going to bed at the same time is so key. There's so many couples that have like I'm a night owl, he's, he goes to bed early or vice versa. That really causes a disconnect, because if you're not connecting in the morning and then you you have a totally different routine at night, you're just well. It's almost causing a barrier in between your marriage.
Speaker 2:We had a couple we were friends with and the wife would go to bed at like 8 or 8.30. And I'm thinking you know the husband would stay up late.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you would stay up late.
Speaker 2:And I'm thinking, okay, like how in the world, like when, If she goes to bed that early every night? And he's going to bed and she gets up at like 5 am, like when are they making love or when are they connecting in any way? So yeah, it's so important to go to bed at the same time. We're not saying every single night, but try to make that a good routine, at least a few nights a week.
Speaker 3:I think that's really important. But even just crawling into bed, even if you're both not going to sleep, like say one, like say the wife's like I gotta get stuff done around the house, well, the husband can help out with that then you can crawl into bed together. Or if one of you is like I am exhausted and you both crawl into bed, you both crawl in bed together, but then one of you can stay up reading when the other one I mean at least you're snuggling and kind of connecting if you both crawl in bed yeah, and at least one can stay up or do something, or maybe they scroll their phone, whatever, if you're fine with that, but put connect first and then one of you can go to.
Speaker 3:You know what I mean I think crawling into bed or just having that same routine is really important. Well, and you've heard.
Speaker 2:A routine we talk about often is and we don't do it every night, but I would say most nights is shower together and then again it's. It never is sexual, it's always just we sit in there and talk and kind of just relax together and mom and dad are getting in the shower.
Speaker 3:Nobody wants to come, nobody wants. Nobody wants to see that no, so it's like you said. It's not even sexual. It's just like the kids like oh, mom and dad are sitting in the shower, we're gonna leave them alone.
Speaker 2:They know we're literally, they're having discussions, they can hear us, but they don't come in I mean, I don't know how it doesn't get sexual when amy's staring at my naked body all the time, I mean not something to behold I didn't mean to laugh, that was true, but I don't think girls quite no, I don't know, I'm totally joking.
Speaker 2:Um, I think, I think the final thing for nighttime is express your love and appreciation, and I don't know, I try to do that where I'm like hey, you know whether you're like thank you so much for all you did today or thank you for this, I really appreciate all you do and just ending the day showing how much you love and appreciate each other.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's that easy, easy. It really is simple things I mean, I know we go through these podcasts and we have, you know, stuff on every thing that typically happens in marriages and relationships and we cover so many things. But it really comes down to just like being intentional, to do the small and simple things.
Speaker 2:Just show your spouse how much you love them say it yeah exactly I know it's so easy and I'm still so bad wow, I, I think, we're, I think we all struggle in certain areas, right? That's why sometimes we need to be reminded, so yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:That's why we're on a podcast reminding ourselves as well.
Speaker 3:I, I think, to wrap up this podcast, I don't think to have great emotional intimacy, you have to, like, connect in the morning in a certain way and then connect at night in a certain way. I think it can be one or the other. For us it's nighttime, like that's what works for us, I think, picking one and just being more intentional about it. Like you said, it's just about intention. So this time of night, this is going to be our hour. When the kids are in bed, this is our hour, this is our no phone hour, just there's. How do we get away from our phones? If phones are becoming a problem, let's do this. So our phone's not there. Like it's just about recognizing okay, we're not having enough emotional intimacy, which is affecting our sexual intimacy. They go hand in hand. So figure out, how do I block out 20, 30, 40, 60 minutes each day or every other day, whatever that looks like in your marriage, and just step it up. You're right, just step it up.
Speaker 2:The things we gave you for the morning routines and the nighttime routines, evening routines. We aren't saying you have to do all 10 of these. No, you're exactly right. What we're saying is, as you listen to these, pick a few that make sense. Say, yeah, we could start doing this better, we could unplug better, we could do these things in the morning. Pick a couple you think might work for your schedule, and just those simple little things are going to, I think, have a big impact on your marriage.
Speaker 3:I think a lot of people that like follow or listen are always like, oh my gosh, this, I have to do all this stuff to change my marriage. And it's like, no, we're just we. We got to that roommate feeling, you know 10 years ago, whatever, and we just implemented a few things. It was like having a better, just a better connected evening together after the kids were the bed. It was once a week date night. It was being more intentional with our tone of voice in our marriage. Like just implementing, like a simple couple changes changed everything. Like. It's not like oh, here's lists of all these things you have to do in your marriage. It's literally like be more intentional from this time to this time.
Speaker 3:And just try a little harder and it makes a huge difference.
Speaker 2:And even if you only implemented one of these things in your morning or evening routine, that's going to help your marriage. So you're exactly right. We're not saying you have to do these five things in the morning and these five things at night. Just pick what's going to work best for you and your marriage.
Speaker 3:Yeah, the whole point is the way you run your mornings or the way you run your nights can really make or break your marriage.
Speaker 2:It really comes down to those 20 to 60 minutes of intentional time that can totally turn your whole relationship around, because I would say a lot of marriages are doing the one thing they're doing is getting on their phone and ignoring each other, and they're not doing any of these things Right.
Speaker 3:That's really what it comes down to.
Speaker 2:That's really what it comes down to Is how do you prioritize your relationship and your marriage over your device? I guess?
Speaker 3:Yep, yeah.
Speaker 1:That's it.
Speaker 2:Hope you enjoyed the podcast. We have some great products. Go check us out at shopultimateintimacycom. We really appreciate your support. Your support for us allows us to keep doing this, to do podcasts, to help marriages, and so we really appreciate all of you. Let us know. If you have any questions, email us at amy at ultimate intimacycom. And until next time, we hope all of you find ultimate intimacy in your relationship.