The Ultimate Intimacy Podcast
Nick and Amy are the creators and owners of the Ultimate Intimacy App and brand. They dive into all the tough topics regarding sexual and emotional intimacy, and discuss the things that most couples deal with regularly in marriage, that are seldom talked about on other podcasts. They are raw, unscripted, personal, and Nick will most likely say things he will regret ;)
They have been married over 22 years and have 4 kids, 3 dogs, and share their own life experiences and trials that have helped them transform their own relationship. They are on a mission to help couples not just survive in marriage, but thrive in marriage.
Their podcast is focused on helping you find "Ultimate Intimacy" in your relationship both in and out of the bedroom. Also, for a great resource to help transform your relationship, check out the Ultimate Intimacy App at ultimateintimacy.com
The Ultimate Intimacy Podcast
307. Really Fun Ways To Initiate Sexual Intimacy With Your Spouse According To Nick... What Does Amy Think?
In this episode, we dive into playful and creative ways to initiate sexual intimacy with your spouse! Whether you're looking for fun ways to break the routine, build anticipation, or make the moment fun or special, we've got you covered. From lighthearted flirting to exciting surprises, we share practical ideas that will help you reconnect emotionally and sexually.
Join us in this episode as Nick shares the fun things he has done (or attempted to do) as well as other ideas and gets Amy's reaction to them :) These fun ways to initiate are for both spouses to try!
This episode sponsored by vitalhealthproductsusa.com
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If you haven't already, go check out the Ultimate Intimacy App in the app stores, or at ultimateintimacy.com to find "Ultimate Intimacy" in your marriage. It's FREE to download and so much fun! Find out why over 800,000 people have downloaded the app and give it such high ratings and reviews!
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If you have any feedback, comments or topics you would like to hear on future episodes, reach out to us at amy@ultimateintimacy.com and let us know! We greatly appreciate your feedback and please leave us a review.
You are listening to the Ultimate Intimacy Podcast, where we discuss how to find ultimate intimacy in your relationship. We believe that, no matter how many years you have been married, you can find passion, happiness and romance at any stage of your life. Join us as we have discussions in all areas of intimacy, interview marriage professionals and people who are just flat-out fun. Our podcast is for all couples looking to transform their relationship it's the really fun ways to initiate with your spouse.
Speaker 2:On the ultimate intimacy podcast. I've been waiting. What episode are we on? I know we're over 300. I've been waiting like 300 and something episodes for this topic we've done this before I've been, I've been waiting, it's been a long time, but this is.
Speaker 1:These are new ideas good a fun episode, oh my gosh nick's, just like I'm just trying to teach my wife something and I hope that one percent chance that she'll try these I did this podcast did you do this for yourself?
Speaker 2:yeah, I did, and I was hoping you would be listening to this podcast. We listen to this episode when we're done you want me to talk to myself in this episode. No, these are. Amy will hopefully confirm. As we go through each one of these, she'll give a thumbs up or a thumbs down. Some of these have a 100% conversion rate.
Speaker 1:You mean if I was to initiate in these ways, there would be a 100% conversion rate that you wouldn't reject me that I would make love to.
Speaker 2:Yes, oh my gosh that is wow, wow and what a shocker. And on the flip side there's a couple of these things that I have done that have been a hundred percent conversion rate that amy has.
Speaker 1:So you have a hundred percent conversion rate, no matter what you do, because you can't tell the audience that you can't break that secret.
Speaker 2:They were encouraged knowing that if they did some of these things.
Speaker 1:You do do some of these things, so that should encourage them that this list is coming from Nick. And they work for him and they might work for you, hopefully. If your wife listened to the last episode on emotional intimacy, getting her needs met, then hopefully the conversion rate's 100%, now that you've learned how to do that better.
Speaker 2:Exactly Right. You had what? Three days?
Speaker 1:You had three days to practice those things, and so If you practice the things that we talked about in the last episode husbands and you've been amazing at those last few things that we talked- about in the last episode. It is time to get a hundred percent conversion rate it's time to take the next step nick's so excited about no these are.
Speaker 2:These are fun. These are these are ones. Many of that I've done personally and, like I said, they're fun. Um, amy, again amy will judge these and then I'll get a real sense as to like okay, don't do those anymore yeah, I'm looking at, I'm looking at these lists and I am not seeing anything that you have done before.
Speaker 1:What?
Speaker 2:oh, hold on, maybe two there's two.
Speaker 1:You've done two of them.
Speaker 2:Okay, you've done two of them, good job okay, we are going to go through this list and then I'm going to remind I'm going to be honest and say nick must have put a list together that he needs to do better at too not just me well, it looks like we've done pretty much everything on this list not recently. Okay, no, all right, no, we'll find out okay, the first one, the first fun way to initiate with your spouse is Amy loved this one that I did. Let's share it with the audience. Go ahead.
Speaker 1:Send a funny text.
Speaker 2:Send a funny or flirty text message.
Speaker 1:It just says funny.
Speaker 2:Like the one I sent to you about your doctor's appointment. Don't you remember you were trying?
Speaker 1:to get a laugh out of that. I don't think you were actually trying to initiate with that, did no?
Speaker 2:it was so I said this is so. Text messages pop up on our phones all the time. This is a reminder you got an appointment with dr dr van nostran at the clinic at 11 o'clock on Wednesday, the 7th right, is that a Seinfeld thing? Yeah, it's a Seinfeld thing um shocker, so I tried to duplicate that text and so this is. I don't remember what I said. This is Dr McKinley, I will be examining you and giving you a sensual massage at 11 and and I I had her.
Speaker 1:Uh, reply yes to confirm, to confirm and knowing that she can't, you know she would have to reply yes, she can't cancel an appointment I've never denied I never deny you, so of course I replied yes anyways, it makes nick so happy, such gets this grin on his face like a little two-year-old, that it's like how do you deny that he was so excited about his text? How could I deny that?
Speaker 2:I felt like it was more of a five-year-old, a two-year-old, okay, well, okay I didn't really mean like the smile on a kid, that's happy. You look like a kid that was really happy, and I was a kid that was really happy 48 year old kid a 48 year old child that was extremely happy. So, sending your spouse a funny text, just something to make them laugh, get creative, it's still nick's idea, it's still my idea she might roll her eyes at you.
Speaker 1:She might confirm yes, who knows, you might as well try it yeah, so I mean there's a lot of things you can do.
Speaker 2:Get creative. Laughter is just you gotta make your spouse laugh you gotta try it you gotta try. So yeah, uh, that's. That is my first best way, uh, to initiate okay, moving on all right, right Number two, so hold on, oh sorry. Number two. So that's number one that I've done right. You've done that before, but it's been a while, okay.
Speaker 1:Okay, you've done that once.
Speaker 2:Congratulations, okay one for one 100% Number two Okay. Play a game night. We've done this.
Speaker 1:Many times, many times, many times. So I'm two for two right now. Okay, okay, maybe there's. I said At the beginning I said you haven't done these for a long time.
Speaker 2:Oh no, that's not what.
Speaker 1:I heard.
Speaker 2:Well, I might have said you've only done a few of these Our audience is going to respond and let us know what they heard as well too Okay. I said you've only done a few of these, but it's been a long time. Okay, okay, all right. So game night it's not something we've done for 22 years of marriage.
Speaker 1:Right, we've had, yeah, we've had games that have we used to love to play like a card game or a board game and make it well, especially before kids. I mean, we've been married 22 years, so that doesn't happen as often now.
Speaker 2:So we put a pause on this and this will resume after the kids move out. You don't have to Because it's hard to. It's hard Not really your kids go to bed at night.
Speaker 1:I mean, it really is just like we're old and tired and we're like you want to play a game. No, let's just do it we. We can't have kids around because we because we have, you can play a game in your bedroom. I'm sorry. There's no reason that kids should ever be an excuse for playing a game in your bedroom.
Speaker 2:Okay, so game night uh, there's many games you can play, um, as you know. Uh, you can play a card game. You can bet and have the winner, um, you know, gets whatever.
Speaker 1:Whatever you arrange yeah, I usually pick a massage and nick usually pick something else amy.
Speaker 2:Amy's been known to cheat before I cheated once to get what she wanted, I cheated once at the end of the day hey, I admitted it to him because I felt guilty.
Speaker 1:I did. I felt guilty. The next day we were driving somewhere and I was like I just want you to know I cheated last night because I really wanted that back massage. He's like okay, well, that's cool, I like giving it to you. So it was both a win-win it was a win-win.
Speaker 2:I liked giving you the back massage.
Speaker 1:Thanks for forgiving me. I think it's the only time I lied ever the only time in our marriage. I lied about.
Speaker 2:You say hold on, you say I think it's the only time I've lied I'm pretty sure I need. I need a firm commitment.
Speaker 1:That's the only time I've lied hi, that is the only time I have lied perfect. Okay, we can like flat out live like I lied to win that back massage, like I'm just gonna full-on admit it. I lied, nick forgave me, he got what he wanted to, so it was it was fine. It was fine. It didn't wreck our marriage. I actually made it better. I'm just. I'm just learning now this that lie made our marriage better. Anyways, don't lie, don't lie we're listening.
Speaker 1:If you're listening, don't lie. It's not okay. It's not even okay to cheat in a game when you're playing with your spouse.
Speaker 2:You'll feel guilty okay, okay, I was gonna say it's a podcast.
Speaker 1:I just have to say don't lie. Like I'm not trying to teach people to lie, but game night game night's great.
Speaker 2:We have a lot of fun games you can go check out. We don't need to go into that.
Speaker 1:You know what we have well, hopefully, if you listen to our last episode, you can go look at our new game that we just launched. I'm just throwing this in here because it's the perfect game you're pitching it five I am gonna pitch our new game. It's the card deck. Five cents for sense play sense play for play game and it's using all five senses. If you need a fun game, that's your game, or truth or dare, or the app.
Speaker 2:We got some good games oh, we got some great games and yes, you can put your kids to bed.
Speaker 1:Shut the door, lock the door. Still play games 100%.
Speaker 2:All right, moving on Next one.
Speaker 1:You've done this.
Speaker 2:Did you not get all my? Did you not get all of them? Maybe they're still, you haven't found them.
Speaker 1:Write your spouse a hot, passionate love note.
Speaker 2:Oh, are you kidding me? You've got a drawer full of those.
Speaker 1:Oh, I thought it was just like a little romantic, like I love you so much.
Speaker 2:I didn't know you were like trying to initiate sex.
Speaker 1:When you gave me those, he just like oh, so they were all intentional. You wanted something.
Speaker 2:That's why you wrote those I wanted you to know how hot I thought you were and how passionate I felt about you, and how I was in love, how I'm in love with you. Good to know, good to know okay from a woman's standpoint, is that not just gonna get you in the mood when, when you're mad, I actually was just thinking that was really sweet and very emotionally connecting okay, usually your love notes are more like actual love notes, not like you're so hot, babe, let's go make love okay, yeah, well, so no, you haven't really wrote me that kind of note for everyone.
Speaker 2:It's different, right like I maybe I write you the kind of notes that I think I want think you want right. For someone else it could be like, hey, let's just, let's just get crazy tonight in the hot tub.
Speaker 1:You know, whatever, whatever.
Speaker 2:But a hot, passionate love note, Does that not just I mean? When you get that hot, passionate love note from me, what does that do for you?
Speaker 1:Okay, okay, moving on.
Speaker 2:No, no Moving on. No, the audience wants to hear.
Speaker 1:I'm not going to share that?
Speaker 2:No, the audience wants to hear I'm not going to share that, no the audience wants to hear how your love notes are romantic and very sweet and very complimentary, and they make my heart burst with passion.
Speaker 1:Is that what you want me to say?
Speaker 1:That's perfect, Okay now we can move on no but speaking serious on that though, like writing your spouse love note, like that means a lot to a lot of women and whether that's sexual for her or whether it's just emotional, it's a win-win. Like, do that more often, do that more often. And and if you're in a good place in your marriage where you can write her a hot love note and leave it in her car and be like, can't wait to make love to you later and she loves that kind of stuff, that's gonna mean a lot to her. A lot to her. Do that. And if she's like I don't really love when you say stuff like that to me, but when you're actually sweet and kind and romantic and thoughtful in your love note, give her that kind of love note like just you know your wife, hopefully right yeah, I, you know, I'm not, I want, I don't really want to bring this up, but I am three for three so far.
Speaker 1:So anyways, just saying once again the text the game night and the hot, passionate love. It's been a long time, been a long time forgot about it. That's why that's why I said you haven't done them, because it's been so long I forgot she says a long time, that could mean like a week or whatever, um everyone's long time totally different um the next one.
Speaker 2:Where's something special? Um, like you know, it could be like the doomy sweater. So, amy, amy has a sweater and I'm like it's been so long.
Speaker 1:He said that I don't even know what sweater you're referring to. Literally it's been that long. Yeah, it's any of the sweaters.
Speaker 2:So just you know, wearing something that, like you know, your spouse is going to like, you're just like yeah, I, I totally know this turns you on um. I know when was the last time I wore this sweater well, it's been summer here, so it's been like 110 degrees, so it's been probably eight months so I don't have a doomy shirt, just a doomy sweater oh, you got some doomy shirts too, but um, I just for this example, I'm giving the doomy sweater, but amy does have a sweater that every time she wears it.
Speaker 1:I literally don't even know what he's referring to.
Speaker 2:Literally, it's been that long I I don't have any clue what that is I see, I thought, you intentionally wore it to send that impression definitely, definitely didn't just send that vibe like babe, I want you tonight. This is, this is the doomy sweater I don't even know it's go time tonight oh my gosh okay for you out there listening see, we, we what I'm speechless.
Speaker 1:Hold on, I'm trying to think um this.
Speaker 2:This is a great way and, all joking aside, for just two seconds um or something attractive to your spouse something that's serious that's you know. You know it's gonna be like yeah put on some lingerie amy just tells me to put on a suit, she's like oh man, put on a suit a suit is like lingerie to to women. Yeah, so sometimes I wear a suit um to church.
Speaker 1:That's true, and and yeah, I mean, and that's it, I'm going to church, like nothing's gonna happen at church well, maybe you could wear it on date night once in a while.
Speaker 2:Wait, that's never happened I'd be like donald trump, everywhere I go wearing a suit, like why is nick wearing a suit to the baseball game? Why is nick wearing a suit?
Speaker 1:we don't go to baseball games on date night. I know I'm just throwing stuff out. You could take me to a fancy restaurant and wear your suit okay, well, noted. Well, well, it's been a while since a lot of women have worn lingerie, including myself. So that's why, like you wear something, I'll wear something.
Speaker 2:Let's make the sequel well, okay, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, all right. The next one.
Speaker 1:This is this is something that most couples probably don't do yeah, which is crazy to me because we do it constantly Take showers together.
Speaker 2:That's a great way. That's a great way to initiate. I must admit, though our showers, Our showers are not really like that.
Speaker 1:Our showers are connecting and we don't take our phones in there and our kids leave us alone.
Speaker 2:And we're talking, but.
Speaker 1:Right. For most couples that don't shower together. That can be a great way to be intimate, to initiate with your spouse. So if you wanted to make it really initiative, is that the right word? You could say hey, babe, do you want to go climb in a nice hot shower with me and get it really steamy in there?
Speaker 2:I'll clean you up.
Speaker 1:I'll clean you up. Yeah, I'll clean.
Speaker 2:Yeah, if a wife said that to her husband, he'd be like let's go, let's go his day if he, if she said that to him in the morning, his day would be so I I mean, nothing would get accomplished.
Speaker 1:Be like oh no, you just accomplish it super fast or he'd accomplish it super fast.
Speaker 2:He's like I'm headed home.
Speaker 1:Oh wait, we have kids. It really is gonna be 10 o'clock anyways, so yeah, but isn't it funny how, like a simple thing like sending your spouse we're not just talking about ways wives should do it or things husbands should do like these can go both ways. But if we're talking to the wives, like, look how simple that is to be like and I hold on a disclaimer here, I suck at this, like I do, like I am not constantly thinking about sex. It's not even on my mind Most of the times. Usually, when he initiates, it's like oh yeah, I can get in the mood, but my point is it takes literally 15 seconds to write a text or to say something to your husband that's going to make his day.
Speaker 2:Or send a flirty text.
Speaker 1:That's why yeah just any of these things. Like it literally doesn't take long to make your husband's day. Like you say something, like you initiate in the morning, or even just five minutes before, even just any time actually you're going to make his day. Like that is how you prioritize your marriage we're always talking about is how you prioritize your marriage. We're always talking about. You know, put your marriage first. It doesn't mean spending more time on it than your children and everything else in your life. It's literally simple. Things like this, like send your husband a flirty text, tell him how much you want him so tell me you want to make love later, like that little tiny thing once every couple weeks.
Speaker 1:It's still gonna show him that you prioritize so we're talking about fun ways to initiate.
Speaker 2:So, amy, so a lot of you are new listeners. I've told this story before, but I'm gonna tell it again. Uh, amy was in las vegas for a day or two, um, on a getaway, and I get this text from her of her in lingerie she's trying on lingerie and she got I got the text like what?
Speaker 1:probably like seven or eight at night, oh, I don't think I don't like two days before I was getting home, yeah, two days.
Speaker 2:So she was. She was apparently initiating for when she got back with this I wasn't initiating, I was just teasing you oh, now, now you tell me because I tackled you when you got it home from your trip. I tackled you. Yeah, well, pretty much I was expecting that so like, whether you were initiated or not, we were going to be making love that day. I mean no, so yeah, she sent me this text message and let's just say I was staring at my phone and I'm like I couldn't sleep. It was like 2 am.
Speaker 1:You loved it so much you erased it like a week later.
Speaker 2:I loved it so much I had to erase it because I'm like I can't get anything done, Like I just keep looking at my wife and how beautiful she is.
Speaker 1:So I never sent you one again because you erased it. So I'm like I guess he didn't like it no, you should send me another one. It was like 20 years ago. It wasn't that long ago.
Speaker 2:15 years ago, yeah, anyways anyways, you can see us talking about it it's never gonna forget it I'm never gonna forget it never, never gonna forget it, never and so I'll tell this story in another 20 years from now, probably so well, anyways, I thought it's a great memory, okay, but you can see how this is a. This was a fun way for her to initiate Like I'm going to be home in a couple of days baby cakes. And she didn't quite say that.
Speaker 2:I'm kind of. I'm kind of interpreting what I took it to be Okay, but yeah, I I almost like just proved it drove down to Vegas, which was an hour and a half drive, and like, oh, you want me that bad, I'm gonna drive down to Vegas, but I didn't, so anyways, all right. Next one moving on.
Speaker 1:Oh my gosh, it's so easy to make a man smile, ladies, it's so easy. It's so easy. I know we're talking about initiating, but it's so easy to like make a man the happiest man alive. Like our podcast is to help both sides. Right like these are going to make your husband smile, or your high drive wife, either way absolutely all right next one plan a surprise date night. Try something new and fun.
Speaker 2:Amy's putting up the the. If you, if you're not watching the video, amy's putting up the no sign never done it never done it okay never done it.
Speaker 1:Guess what I asked for christmas the last three years? I asked for him to sign us up for a ballroom dancing class. Guess how many times that's happened so well.
Speaker 2:I tried to dance with you naked in the bedroom, but you denied me, so I not what it says.
Speaker 1:That's not what it says oh yeah.
Speaker 2:So yeah, you're right. It says plan a surprise date night, try something fun.
Speaker 1:Oh, maybe something that she would like to do for once oh I am that's romantic that'll turn her on all right, no nick made this list. I'm just saying, I'm just reading it, I'm just reading it you added that to the list. You added that to the list.
Speaker 2:All right my. All right I. This is an area I struggle with, honestly. I'm just going to be vulnerable and Well, I struggle with initiating Right, so yeah, this is this is an area I struggle with. I like I need to be better at being like spontaneous and doing new things, and that's that's why Amy came to me after our marriage and said I need to try new things in the bedroom I'm so bored. You are so original because I, because I just I'm just original, yeah, so okay, okay, okay.
Speaker 1:I'm gonna take back what I said at the beginning. You have done one, two, three. I don't know about four. Five doesn't really count, because we do that all the time I'm giving you.
Speaker 2:I'm giving you four, I'm gonna need four.
Speaker 1:The last one big hard. No, never done that big hard.
Speaker 2:No, okay, what was the one we're talking about?
Speaker 1:yeah, surprise date night and like something like super fun. Yeah, no, but I'm not gonna why I'm not gonna throw you on a bus and be like, oh, you are not a good date night planner. We go on date night every friday. We both like to just go see a movie or go out to dinner or hang out with friends or just.
Speaker 2:We're pretty worn out by the end of the week and we're both okay with that and you're not the type of person that likes surprises, like meaning, like if I were to go out and just plan something spontaneous. I don't feel like you're the type of person, depending on what it depends on what it was probably.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like Nick's not gonna go roller skating, nick's not gonna go ice skating, nick, nick is not going to do certain things. Nick is nickname is I'm not doing it. So I've learned that 22, 22 years, what you won't do, I'm learning new things. Live on this podcast Next one, that doesn't count.
Speaker 2:For a lot of people it does.
Speaker 1:I know, but for us that doesn't count. That's a weekly at our house, but we're not talking about us.
Speaker 2:We're talking just like showering together is something we do all the time.
Speaker 1:Give essential massage about us. Okay, talking just like showering together. Okay, give a sensual massage, do it okay, hold on. If that's not part of your routine, why not?
Speaker 2:okay, they need to fix that but if we were to poll our audience, most people would say yeah, I haven't given my spouse a sensual massage in a long time. I agree Now we started pushing the intimate massage cream. Hopefully there's a lot more intimate massages going on right.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:But I would say most people probably aren't given as many intimate massages as they should.
Speaker 1:Agreed.
Speaker 2:So that's a great way to initiate. I mean, if you're given an intimate massage, you're pretty much telling your spouse like hey, let's get it on after that, right, like you're not going to give an intimate massage. You're pretty much telling your spouse like hey, let's, let's get it on after that, right, like you're not gonna give an intimate massage, okay, let's let's talk.
Speaker 1:Let's talk about the intimate massage for a minute. Let's talk about it because I I have a lot to say that's why we're talking about this, okay so nick like multiple times a week, will be like hey, can I give you a really nice body massage tonight? Your butt looks like it needs it. I'm like well, I don't know what that means, but um, actually I do know hold on.
Speaker 1:Let me finish. I do know what that means. That means it's your way I'm initiating. He's like can I, is that okay if I initiate, because I really want to like give you a full body massage? And I'm like okay, I'll tell you what you, I'll make mad, passionate love to you. And then you give me the massage. And he's like wait, what I?
Speaker 2:said yeah, let's do it. I went how many?
Speaker 1:times, how many times? That's why I looked at this list and I was like how many times has that happened? Where I've gotten it after? Well, and let me be all fair.
Speaker 2:Let's let's be, let's be honest with our audience we're honest people, honest people okay you said that and I've said, all right, that sounds great. And then we climb into bed and you're like no, let's just no, that's because you want to do it first.
Speaker 1:I said after how many times does it happen after in our marriage where we get down and you're like okay, now it's time for your body massage?
Speaker 2:I don't really recall exactly zero.
Speaker 1:I gave you zero on that one.
Speaker 2:I'm not I'm not trying.
Speaker 1:I'm not saying sounding browdy, like sometimes I'm gonna okay, this, okay. This is why a lot of women are like I know what that means and I'm fine with it. But when you, when you give your wife a full body massage for five minutes because that's usually how long it lasts, or 10 minutes, you literally are like putting her to sleep, like it feels so good. You are literally putting her to sleep, and then you're like, oh, I'm done. Wake up Time to be full of energy again Time to get crazy girl.
Speaker 1:And a wife's like I just want to sleep. Now you literally just put me to sleep. That felt amazing. I'm so thankful. So one day I told nick I said I'm just being honest with you like a full body massage sounds amazing. But I cringe like thinking, oh, now I have to wake my body back up because you relaxed me so good. It was such an amazing body massage so I was just like how about we make love?
Speaker 1:and then you give me that body massage. And he's like sure, yeah, that sounds great, never happens. It's never happened.
Speaker 2:You can combine what you could do. You could combine both. You could just combine both. You get a great body massage. Um, anyways, moving on.
Speaker 1:So yeah, but again uh again, uh, okay, so is the body massage more for you, or is it more for me, because you're like well, that's the way I like to touch your body. That's foreplay for me oh so is it? Is it, is it more for you or is it more for me? Because if I'm like, well, it sounds amazing, but I'd like to do it after, so I can actually fall asleep, like you have to kind of think about that, like okay, is it for her or is it for me?
Speaker 2:this is where honesty comes in, I think 100%, most men would probably say obviously okay most men would say, yeah, I really want to give you a massage, because most men are physical touch. So like when I'm touching you naked and giving you a massage like that is amazing to me. But I but you've also expressed that you love massages after. So that is uh I. I assume that's amazing to you as well.
Speaker 1:So it's like okay, anyways, go have this discussion in your marriage. Obviously we see different sides to this, so it's just ask your spouse, like do you like it before or do you like it after, and how do we make that work?
Speaker 2:yeah, yeah yeah, anyways all right, uh cook a romantic dinner got a zero on that oh, are you kidding me? No so what?
Speaker 1:so okay, then we probably need to talk about what romantic looks like candlelight, something that they want to eat not what you want to eat with the kids well, I know that's not usually going to work, but sometimes if your kids are little, you could put them in bed like 7 30 and do a late dinner or maybe so if they're older, you could ask the one that can drive to take the kids out of the house for a couple hours or send them to grandma's. This isn't going to work for everyone.
Speaker 2:We understand that so cook a romantic dinner doesn't always mean that you have to be the one cooking. You could go out to eat and have a romantic dinner. No, this says cook a romantic dinner.
Speaker 1:This doesn't say go out to the romantic dinner, this says cook a romantic. You made the list.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you made the list so yeah, it just says you. You didn't say take your wife out to a romantic. You made the list. Yeah, you made the list. So yeah, it just says you didn't say take your wife out to a romantic dinner so it says cook a romantic dinner so I guess we need to clarify if you're paying someone to cook a romantic dinner, is that still cooking a romantic?
Speaker 1:no, that's. What's romantic about it is that you cooked it okay, so I, yes, I totally okay at totally this list isn't for things that men need to do better. This is for both people, so you can make your husband a romantic dinner too. Most women make dinner all the time, so that's I don't know.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, no, it is.
Speaker 1:This is going both ways you could cook a romantic dinner for your wife, or vice versa, vice versa and turn off the, turn the lights down, play some music, put a candle on the table and be like let's just talk like that's what a wife is gonna be, like dang, that's like really, really thoughtful it is and you spent time actually cooking like what she wanted.
Speaker 2:That's amazing so again we're. We're giving a list that is all encompassing to everyone. Some of these things. Actually we don't do as much, but we also make up in other areas, right?
Speaker 1:nick's like I probably should have changed that one to go out to a romantic dinner, because I've never done that before in my life actually he did it when we were dating and so I got all tricks, thinking he was gonna be romantic dinners all he why don't you tell the story? I've already told it before we got a lot of new listeners. Well, I went to his house. We were not engaged yet, right, this is like a couple weeks.
Speaker 2:No, we were engaged, oh we were engaged.
Speaker 1:Right, we'd just gotten engaged after three weeks, yeah.
Speaker 2:Hold on, we got to edit that out.
Speaker 1:Literally. We got engaged in three weeks After a blind date date. You might not want to listen to us anymore because we're insane um true story married 22 years now we've been married 22 years. That is a hey, that dinner that you made me must have been really good.
Speaker 2:So the story is is that I show up at his little apartment house, whatever you were living in townhouse.
Speaker 1:And uh, he stops me at the door and he's like there's something I have to tell you, now that we're engaged. It's really serious. He's like come in. I'm like I'm not coming in. Tell me now, before I walk in. I'm like what, what are you hiding from me? He's like, no, I just there's something I haven't told you yet. And I'm like what is it? I kind of freaked out. And he's like just come inside, trust me. And he's, he pulls me in his house. He's got a candlelight dinner. He made spaghetti, he bought rolls, he made a salad for him that only ate Cinnamon Toast Crunch every day. I was like, wow, this is pretty impressive and it was romantic and thoughtful. I think he even lit a candle.
Speaker 2:I don't remember for sure, I totally did.
Speaker 1:And he's like well, I just have to tell you that I'm not a very good cook and so I took that as he was joking.
Speaker 2:And then he was like this amazing cook and I was like whoa, I took her outside in the front door. I said hey there's something I need to tell you and I I'm sorry I haven't told you this, and her face gets all serious and I'm like I kind of freaked out, I'm like I hope you don't break up with me for this. And she's like looking at me like, oh my heck, is he going to say what have?
Speaker 1:you held back.
Speaker 2:Yeah, what have you held back? And I announced to her in a very serious way that I'm not a good cook and you know I can go back to that he jokes.
Speaker 1:You know him, he jokes. I was like, oh my gosh, he's a cook too. This is so amazing. He really is the perfect guy. But I really wasn't a cook, but actually I'm starting to get better, starting to get better, but we don't need to talk about that. You don't cook you just barbecue, yeah, okay, oh, I can't wait to move to the next one.
Speaker 2:This is a great list, babe uh, the next one start with a compliment no, you skipped it what one, are you sure? Oh, dance together, yeah, so, okay, so our interpretation of dancing together. Oh my gosh, this just gets better it doesn't say ballroom dancing, it doesn't say hip hop or break dancing.
Speaker 1:I don't want to break dance with you.
Speaker 2:No, I know that it just says dancing, so everyone's dancing might look different.
Speaker 1:When was the last time you danced with me At our wedding? For like two tried, I danced with you at our friends wedding. Oh, that's right. Yeah, that wasn't a way of initiating. You literally just didn't have a choice.
Speaker 2:No, but I hey, when was the last time I tried to dance with you naked in our bedroom? I did that. I tried to initiate that no, I tried to initiate that the other night. You're like I'm not dancing with you naked, so I that was.
Speaker 1:That was after the long body massage that I was like, so like. I feel so good right now.
Speaker 2:You're gonna make me get out of the bed and dance now so this one should have been on the list of really fun ways to get rejected um instead of initiate for me.
Speaker 1:I didn't reject you. I was like let's not dance, let's just go straight to it.
Speaker 2:You're like okay so, but well, I wasn't complaining, that's correct. Yeah, that's correct yeah, that's not rejection but for most spouses this would be a great way to just and I do like dancing, honestly, like I. I like holding Amy tight and looking in her eyes and just I do, I like dancing that's why we've danced twice in our marriage.
Speaker 1:Okay, um, if your wife or husband really liked to dance together, a really romantic way to initiate would be like grabbing her hand at the kitchen table and be like dance with me, and like going in the living room or in the kitchen and like doing whatever that whatever that looks like to you yeah a little dancey dancey exactly.
Speaker 2:Uh, the next one start with a compliment. Um, this is a great, this can be honestly what on earth is that that's?
Speaker 1:a great baby you look hot, let's go make love no, just paying your spouse compliments. That's a fun way to initiate nick added this one, just so y'all know how okay?
Speaker 2:how often do spouses pay each other compliments? Honestly, do you think?
Speaker 1:I don't know. Should have taken a full amount.
Speaker 2:Sweetheart, I love your doomy sweater. You look so amazing today. I just want you to know how good you look, you know what I want to ask our audience.
Speaker 1:How many of you women hear some of these and you roll your eyes. You're just like are you serious right now?
Speaker 2:Maybe yeah. Well, okay, but it uh, maybe, yeah, well, okay, but it's really fun ways to initiate, right so really fun ways.
Speaker 1:Start with a compliment. A compliment should be something you're already doing.
Speaker 2:I agree, but most people aren't, probably aren't doing that okay.
Speaker 1:This one's for the wives okay. Hopefully your husband's complimenting you, not because he wants something, but a wife she's like dang dang, that suit is fire. I can't wait to get you in bed tonight.
Speaker 2:That's what you want me to say. Oh my heck, if you said that, yeah, that would be yeah exactly.
Speaker 1:That's literally like talking dirty in a marriage. That's as dirty as it gets. I can't. I can't wait to rip that off you later. That would be. And show you who's boss'm not gonna say that you would love that, though I'm teasing, no, but you're right, this one this one's for the men these go both ways don't start a wife with a your.
Speaker 1:Your lipstick looks gorgeous. I can't wait to kiss that off your, off your lips tonight. Don't say that to her. This is for the women. Compliment your husband. Tell him how hot he is and you can't wait to get him in bed tonight Like just he's going to love that. He's going to love that.
Speaker 2:Okay, so we're giving a bunch of different options. Even if you just pick one or two of these, that's all you need, or?
Speaker 1:one.
Speaker 2:Yeah, just pick one. We're giving you options, because some things might work in your marriage that don't work. Some of these things are applicable to Amy and I. Some of these things are not.
Speaker 1:They're definitely not, but they could be applicable to you, right, they could be applicable to you. And you're going to end on the last one. This is also Nick's idea.
Speaker 2:I'm going to end on the last one.
Speaker 1:Yeah, right there on your list. Yeah, typically you do end on the last one.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah I just are you? Oh, are you getting there? Okay? Yes, I will end on the last one okay, let's, let's do that uh, I like this one, um, just be direct, um, this has worked for us, right, like so. You know, sometimes I'm it works sometimes I'm, uh, sidestepping or you know, dancing around and trying to give out clues to Amy, like hey.
Speaker 1:I'm not clueless. I get it. I get every single little thing that you do. You can touch me a certain way. I'm like that's what you're initiating, that's your way of initiating, and I don't know if she wasn't getting the clues.
Speaker 2:Maybe she was, but she might have been ignoring. One day she looked at me and she's like, just be direct and tell me you want to make love to me.
Speaker 1:Just say it already, just say it.
Speaker 2:I'm like, oh, I would like to make love to you, quit grabbing my butt, quit doing little.
Speaker 1:Quit looking at me when you're doing the dishes, like look what I'm doing, like just stop, just say it.
Speaker 2:So I did. So I said, hey, I would love to make love to you my hand and shoved me in the bedroom and we made love.
Speaker 2:I don't remember that, so do you? Uh, yeah, I totally remember so anyways. So we laugh because because, honestly, it's like, oh, it's just that easy. All I had to do is tell her I want to make love. She's like, yeah, so sometimes, just being direct, and why is this a fun way? Because now, in our marriage sometimes it's fun. I'm just like I want to make love to you, right? And and she laughs and smiles.
Speaker 1:You can guess how many times I've just said that to him.
Speaker 2:Or she says, yeah, that's not happening tonight.
Speaker 1:I've never said that.
Speaker 2:That's true. That's true. She's never said that.
Speaker 1:What. It's just so funny, it's just so funny. We're just so different Women. It's just so funny. It's just so funny. We're just so different. Women and men are so different. It's just so funny, like that's the thing about marriage if you can get to a place where you can joke about it and he looks at you. It's like let's just make love and you look at him.
Speaker 2:You're like okay okay, okay, whatever I gotta do to just get you, get you.
Speaker 1:That's not what I said, just find that balance. Like, send a funny text is probably going to be more something. He does Play a game. Probably both of you Write him a hot, passionate love note. Either of you could do that. Wear something special like the Do Me sweater. I think women like the joke last year was men in sweatpants Like that was like the viral joke. Husbands are so hot when they wear their sweatpants.
Speaker 2:Nick doesn't have any, so that doesn't work. Hold on. Is that why you asked me to get a pair of sweatpants the other day? You're like you should get a pair of sweatpants. I'm like a pair of sweatpants.
Speaker 1:Well, we work from home and literally you're always in your t-shirt and shorts and I'm like I don't understand it. Maybe, I just want to feel better because I live in mine.
Speaker 2:I don't know, this is my doomy shirt.
Speaker 1:Like your pants aren't soft, so I'm definitely not going to be touching those. If you have sweatpants that were soft, maybe I'd be touching your leg, who knows, well, if Maybe you boys should get some doomy sweatpants.
Speaker 2:If you don't like these, I can take them off.
Speaker 1:Certainly can take them off for you. No thanks, not right now. Um, take a shower together could be both. Plan a surprise date night would probably be more romantic if my husband did it. Giving a sensual massage could go both ways. Cooking romantic dinner is probably going to mean more from my husband. Dancing together could go both ways. Starting with a compliment, like I said, is probably more like I think women depending on your like I think women might be okay with that, but I think that's more of a like men aren't getting it as much, so maybe use that for the husband.
Speaker 2:Yeah it could go both ways, but honestly, bottom line is we aren't paying each other enough compliments, right. Right, and that can be a fun way, and maybe that's why it says start with a compliment. It doesn't say just give a compliment, it says start with a compliment. It doesn't say just give a compliment, it says start with a compliment. Like baby, you look so fine tonight and you know, pay compliments, especially if your spouse's you know words of affirmation or their love language is hearing those things.
Speaker 1:And yeah, agreed, and just be direct, like that works in our marriage, because we're in a good place where, like some nights, I can tell he's going to initiate and so I hurry, initiate, so I can take the credit.
Speaker 2:Oh, she totally does. The other night we were out walking and she's like hey, hey, you want to, you want to get crazy tonight. I was like what I? Didn't say that she's like you knew I was.
Speaker 1:I knew you were going to ask no, no, you started by saying something. You're like like it. I don't remember what it was. We were walking and he made some comment and I was like it's day four, isn't it? It's been a few days. I'm like do you want to make love tonight? And he's like wait, you knew what I was going to say. I'm like I sure did. I beat you to it, so I get. It's just funny, because now I'm at a point now where I'm like I know what's going to happen never initiates.
Speaker 2:I'm like, no, I, I'm good at it. Score a score, key score keeping, right, I'm just joking. No, we wish a lot of you. We wish a lot of you could see us on video right now instead of just hearing us, because we're laughing and having a good time. We had someone, we had someone, uh, leave a comment like a one-star review and they said they argue too much. And I'm like, hopefully, as you guys listen to our podcast, you never I don't think we've ever argued on the podcast I think there was, I think there were two.
Speaker 1:That was a little bit back and forth because we just we just felt differently about something. But I'm like, definitely not an argue, like we don't even really argue ever but our sense of humor.
Speaker 2:Hopefully you can hear our sense of humors through the microphone and realize that we have sense of humor. Hopefully you can hear our sense of humor through the microphone and realize that we have sense of humor. They may just be a little different.
Speaker 1:And I think to say that a couple never argues or a wife isn't rolling her eyes half the time that a man initiates would be lying, because we do Sometimes we do. We're like again. Maybe we just do it like two days ago. Who's keeping track right? Who's?
Speaker 2:keeping track. Right, who's keeping track? But then I say, oh, we got the vibrating ring and you're like, oh, sign me up.
Speaker 1:Oh, oh.
Speaker 2:Sign me up. No, what did we leave off the list, do you think?
Speaker 1:I think there's a lot of other ways to initiate, like bringing your spouse a scratch card from our shop is a great one Because it literally says I'm initiating at the top of the scratch card. Okay, how did I miss that?
Speaker 1:I don't know, that's the first thing that popped up. I'm like that's why we designed those scratch cards literally design them to hand to your spouse. And it says I'm initiating. So if the wife's like, yeah, your husband's like, my biggest complaint in my marriage is that my wife never initiates wives. Itives, it's that easy. You buy one, you put in the envelope, you write some compliment on the front, like we just said You're so hot, babe. You hand it to him. He opens up. It says I'm initiating tonight. Pick a position.
Speaker 2:Are you you're not gonna fire me right for like, for making that mistake and forgetting that?
Speaker 1:No, because I that's what I'm adding adding okay, okay you asked me to add some stuff like that?
Speaker 2:how did I? How in the world did I like?
Speaker 1:what man doesn't want his wife to hand him a scratch card that says I'm initiating tonight and then, like here, pick three positions you want to try like that's gonna make a man's night yeah, sign me up month right year, sign me up.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's a great way to initiate.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I will end it there. It's been a long enough podcast, but it's it means to wrap this up on a serious note. Do you want to end serious?
Speaker 2:I've been serious, the whole podcast to end serious.
Speaker 1:It means a ton to a high drive spouse, whether that's the wife or whether that's the husband.
Speaker 1:It means a ton when you initiate sex that it shows that you're positive about it, that you're going to enjoy it and that it's prior that you're prioritizing it.
Speaker 1:Those three things mean a lot to a high drive spouse and that's the whole point we're trying to get is, if you want a passionate marriage, if you want a fun marriage, if you want the kind of marriage where your husband's going to bend over backwards because he wants to be emotionally connected to you, you have to prioritize being intimate. And that's literally why we created the app. That's why we have found the best products to help it be better for you. That's why we've designed some of our fun card decks. It's why we do what we do is because we want everyone to have not just a great connecting marriage, but a passionate marriage, and that takes great sex. It really does, and all the wives out there is just like my drive is gone. My drive is gone, but I see the difference it makes when couples you can tell they're like, passionate towards each other, they're loving and romantic to each other and that starts with, yes, good emotional connection.
Speaker 1:It also takes prioritizing sex to keep that passion alive I'm sorry I rambled, but everything that we do is for you to realize how important being intimate in your marriage is yeah, because it is a vital part it is a vital part absolutely vital right and and I truly believe that husbands step it up in those other areas that women need when they are feeling prioritized in this area, or vice versa and speaking of vital um, we, we have a new sponsor of the podcast um vital health products, usacom.
Speaker 2:one of the reasons we really like these products is we've personally been taking them. We've shared in one of the previous podcasts that you know I was kind of not feeling great in some certain areas and started taking some of the products and it's really helped me feel a lot better, have more energy, balance things out where I was off in, and so you know we, we truly believe that feeling good in marriage had it. It's hard to have a good marriage if you're not feeling good for sure and so there's so many great products that can help.
Speaker 2:So check out our great sponsor, vital health products, usa. Calm and, you know, hopefully can get you being healthier and happier.
Speaker 1:And for a win. I think the one that most women love is the collagen that we have. Um you, just you feel better. Collagen is necessary part, like to help your skin and your hair and those kinds of things, but also like your bones and lots of internal reasons. So check out the collagen too. We also have like a libido boosting, like if it helps with desire. There's one with energy and there's one with sleep, like I don't know Ditto what you said Like great health, feeling great, looking great Absolutely affects all areas of your marriage.
Speaker 2:We also have a link in the podcast notes if you want to just go directly to it.